It is easy to gossip on someone
It is easy to damage someone's reputation or image without much thinking
It is easy to bad mouth anyone
It is easy to criticise anyone
It is easy to just speak anything without much thinking
It is easy to be righteous
It is easy to be egoistic
It is easy to be judgemental and put everything in right and wrong box
But how difficult it becomes for a recipient to deal with it? Isn't it difficult to live in today's time with so much stress,tensions and worries? Thinking further, how easy it would become if we have to live in peaceful world?
It is really difficult to live with toxic people in current times of uncertainities and insecurities... and it is so diificult to deal with people who are critical and blaming.
The world is not kind to anyone. Maybe because each one is wounded here.
Also no one is sensitive to others feelings
No one is aware of their own emotion no one is aware of the root of the negative emotions
No one really wish to go deeper and introspective
No one is bothered about others.
Let's have some brain storming ideas.
Let us start with each one of us doing a bit of chewing some thoughts more mindfully. Let us inspire, motivate and empower ourselves. Let us awaken. Let us offload past emotional hurts and betrayal, some emotional wounds and past baggage.
Welcome!
How to deal with criticism and good and bad judgements in balanced manner and remain unaffected?
In this article I may be able to share few insights on to how to deal with criticisms and blaming people, and not allow yourself to get isoalated or hide in a corner or feel bad, sad, upset or angry.
Recently I went through such an experience and I was deeply affected and was isolating myself from lots of family people, as I was deeply hurt. Hence I felt like sharing this article.
I would give my best in family, make sure take care of my in laws so that they are comfortable, will speak mindfully so that they are comfortable and not get hurt anywhere, I would keep myself busy around them taking small small care, spend quality time with them, play cards with them, offer food of their choice and more. I would go beyond myself to please them, and give all comforts.
One day my mother in law stopped talking to me, stopped responding me and I was wondering why?
I kept asking, she did not respond.
I said sorry without knowing from her the reason of she not talking to me.
Fourth day my sister in law criticises me and blames me for no fault of mine and I wonder from where this is all coming. And the light strikes, that may be mother in law must have said something to her daughter, who is my daughter in law. I was going throughprevious days talks, thinking what talk could be that.
The reason of this sharing is not to portray anyone wrong or right, not even portray them as bad people, but the reason to share this is, we all go through similar situations often and we don't know how to deal with it.
Inspite of being a healer, and I being a human, I was deeply affected as I am very attached to my inlaws. I would care for my inlaws more than anything. I was crying as I was hurt and blamed by my sister in law. I isolated myself, was keeping sad and gloomy, and kept working on myself to release hurt.. it was just not going... tried various techniques but nothing helped me... tried self talks but that was in vain...nothing was working tobe at peace...tried one of my colleague friend to give me therapy... Still it did not work to bring me at peace..
My husband, my son, my daughter in law, my other sister in law was explaining me... But nothing helped me to get rid of my hurt feelings and e at peace..
So I allowed myself to remain in the same state saying, it is ok to feel hurt... first I allowed myself to feel what I am feeling, and then I allowed myself to feel without any judgements...now I had accepted that space I was hurt...
When I was little better,
I kept asking my self few Questions
Was it my fault?
My conscience said, no
Have you done anything wrong?
My conscience said, no
Did I take proper care of my inlaws?
My conscience said, yes
Then why am I hurting myself so much when the episode was over?
my conscience said, you are right
Why are you hurting so much with same painful thoughts again and again?
I asked myself, How do I not remain hurt?
My conscience said, forget and forgive your sister in law
Forget and forgive yourself
Forget and forgive your mother in law
Get going with your normal life, offload the past event and accept yourself the way you are and others the way they are
There is no need to put any judgements to it why this happened and you don't need to judge anyone here.. also you don't have to hurt yourself with those thoughts
I started forgetting and forgiving. I even used hoopponopo prayer.
Finally after so many internal dialogues and convincing my inner mind, I was in a balanced emotional state and resilient.
In normal circumstance with similar experience, I started thinking how I would deal with my clients in the similar situations and I tried that technology with myself. I distanced myself from that event, started seeing from a distance, and disassociating myself from the emotional charge of that event. I got a little better with that neutral observer attitude and with aware acceptance.
Being a spiritual catalyst, I often understand the laws of karma so I was explaining to myself, may be I have hurt someone or blamed someone or criticised someone in my past life or this life, so it may have come in reverse order for me to experience what is the feelings like. I even released the guilt I attached with it.
The purpose for me to share my personal story is, we often go through such experiences many a times. It can be called as normal. But I wish to bring this into awareness of people's mind, by saying, let us not call this as normal. We all have become abnormal to see it as normal.
How would it be to live in a world of peaceful, non judgemental and compassionate people? Will it not be a great feelings?!! I would call that as normal.
How would that be if we all can handle people's sensitivities with our mindful words, actions and behaviours?
How would that be if we can be more mindful of our triggered emotions and loose words that comes out of immediate anger or hurt?
Constructive criticism definitely helps a person to grow. In NLP we have learnt constructive criticism as FEEDFORWARD. ( Another word for feedback) means if you are not okay with a person, you first take permission to deliver that communication first by taking permission and then putting them in right words that will forward the person in polite way, putting aside your ego, grudge, hurt and anger. It can be delivered in a manner that is more compassionate and contributed to make the difference. The ability to hear and truly listen to people’s feedforward, improves relationships.
Plus, if you can learn to put aside your ego and not use harsh or rude or critical words, this can propel you forward personally and professionally.
Criticism is a term for judgment or evaluation, good or bad. Let constructive criticism be like feedforward ( another word of feedback) I have shared many insights in my previous article on judgement, 'is judgement contagious?'
Any time someone gives you criticism, they’re evaluating you against specific standards or image in their minds. Anytime some one blames you, it is they are percieving the situation as if something wrong or bad attempts have been made according to their standard definition or image.
Judging the person from right or wrong approach is the most dangerous thing we can do to anyone.
We need to become more open minded and free minded to not judge anyone
There is nothing right and wrong if you actually open yourself to be compassionate, loving and accpting person.
If you are holding any such energies in yourself, critical people would attract yourself and
People may criticize you openly in public, out of sheer resentment- have you ever been on social media? I would say what people have experienced and retained in them, they remove it on others without thinking twice... This happens why, because we do not reflect, introspect and process the negative emotional charge and reactions.
This process needs to pass through three important requirements
All what others says is not the truth
You don't have to accept others words as truth
Let people say what they want, you check your intentions of what you did or said, why you did and said and were there any hidden agenda or selfish agenda for saying it... If your conscience is clear, forget the triggering event
Also if it is repeatedly happening, are you having anything in subconscious?
Each one of us is projecting our inner dark side on others... Every one is extension of our own selves. So check if anything has happened earlier like that?
And if we are attracting that situations or manifested that episode, then what is inside you needs to be changed?
Now that you know not everyone with opinions on you is going against you, let’s look at how to defuse and use other people’s feedback for the best.
Yes being a healer, I insist one should focus on the inner thoughts and feelings. One should focus on how to deliver your feelings on others using mindful words. One should not use loose words. One should avoid direct confrontation and should give benefit of doubt or clarity so that one can understand both side of story, both parties versions or points of views. One should be compassionate and sensitive to others and know how it would be recieved. People should give criticism in a way that indicates care for the recipient, and it should come from someone the recipient respects.
Listen honestly for a critic’s intention
Many people get defensive at the mere possibility of negative feedback. But no one’s perfect. It’s okay to think about your strengths and weaknesses.
When you’re about to receive either type of feedback, approach the situation with an open mind, so you can understand the difference.
Decide if feedback is constructive or destructive
Think about whether feedback is coming from someone who cares about you, references an area you want to improve in, or specifies how to get better.
ISome people criticize others to cement a never-ending power trip. You’ll usually be able to recognize this if the criticism is used for pulling someone down.
Or perhaps the feedback is followed up with demeaning or self-aggrandizing language.
However, your reaction to criticism should vary depending on its intention. If you prefer, choose a different style of communication, and let the petson know.
If they push back, you might find they just wanted to be judge and be executioner without even attempting a legal degree, as if their judging is perfect.
f someone has given you feedback with a genuine view to helping you improve, Thank them. You got an opportunity to grow, improve and learn because of them.
People who provide you with helpful feedback want you to achieve your goals. Even if it hurts to hear what you did wrong, remember their intentions, and make plans to act on constructive criticism and take actions.
Avoid reacting and exploding. Think with cool mind and respond.
.Minimize encounters with harmful and negative people. There are lots of positive people.
Cut the chords with them. When you spend a lot of time with anyone, you are bound to develop invisible cords that keeps exchanging the vibrations.
It’s sad but true, some people are too soft and some people love tearing them down. it may be the right time to cut them off, even if they’re the people closest to you.
It is time to stand on your ground firmly rather than crying. Standing your ground against toxic people, is a way to build a strong identity. It is a way to become strong and confident. It is time to be emotionally balanced.
Flushing toxic people out from your life can serve your soul good strength.
